So this isn’t the clearest of pictures, but you know what? It’s a baby and that is what matters, especially after our scare this morning.

The past 3-4 days I have been suffering from horrible morning sickness. The kind where I really do not want to get out of bed. (This would be why I have been so quiet lately). Actually it’s been longer than that – the past week. I haven’t even been able to finish Shiver, which is in fact a good book.

This morning, we had a HORRIBLE scare. I (for sure) thought I was miscarrying. The only reason I am going into good detail about this, is  because – I don’t want other new Mom’s new in their pregnancy to automatically (as I did) to expect the worst of the situation. There are people out there going through the same exact thing. I am one of them.

I woke up around 6:15-6:30am this morning and had to pee (what’s new?). I did the normal wipe, fold (happened to look) saw a huge dark spot on the toilet paper – “What?!” I turned on the light and shut the door, as to not alarm my husband if it should be my eyes playing tricks on me. Sure enough.. a nice amount of pink blood. After how nauseous I have been, I thought, “You’ve got to be kidding me. No F-ing way!” I wiped again, and there was more. I called for Forrest – waking him up, scared and said, “I think we’re losing the baby!”

Because I am still early in the pregnancy, I knew there was nothing an emergency room could do for me. If I was miscarrying, they would more than likely tell me to let it run its course. So I wiped the remaining blood and put on a pad and laid in bed. I texted Jenn, as well as a few other friends. Yes, I texted at 6:30 in the morning. It’s amazing how un-guilty you feel when you text parents of newborns or toddlers – because you know, more than likely they are probably up.

Everyone pretty much (turns out) had the same thing happen to them in their pregnancies and said I was probably fine, as alarming as it was. So with that slight ray of hope, I tried to close my eyes and get some sleep. What else could I do?

At 8:15, I got a call awaking me from bed from my OBGYN double checking on me from a phone call I had made the previous friday about some vitamins I was taking. Flustered I said that I was fine, but I was bleeding and was wondering if I could come in sooner. They squeezed me in for 9:15.

So I pretty much rushed everyone out of bed, including Carli – who now seems to have a nasty cold/cough/booger combination and has not been herself all day. We rushed out and we quickly went to the doctors. Due to the nature of the early visit, they gave me the ultrasound first. How nerve wrecking! I thought for sure I would see an empty sac, or maybe a non-viable baby. I was very relieved to finally (after she spent about 5 minutes checking out spots in my uterus) to see my little “Bug”. I thought, going in – that I was 7 weeks, 4 days – but I guess my cycle was longer this time and I ovulated around November 12th, placing me at 6 weeks, 3 days today. Disappointed that I have to reexperience the 6th week, but – you know what? My growing baby is there.. with a beating heart and healthy.

When I saw the heart flicker, I gasped with tears. “Healthy & strong,” she said. Then she let us listen to the heartbeat, which I had no idea you could do through an ultrasound and it.. it was amazing. It sounded strong. I got misty again then too – with relief. I was still pregnant!

It turned out that I have (what they said) is a small/slight subchorionic hematoma.

Don’t even bother googling subchorionic hematoma because it sounds more depressing than it is. Believe me. I had to stop googling it or I thought I would cry.

But – basically, it just means that there is a small pool of blood/clot that formed between part of the placenta and the uterine wall where the placenta is trying to attach. My Dr. said it was small so there is a 90-95% chance that it will heal itself and not be an issue. My mom and Jenn, both said they had the same exact thing. I – actually – am a product of a subchorionic hematoma pregnancy .. and here I am! And this issue is usually the reason many people bleed through out their entire pregnancy (and not even know they are pregnant) – because of this! So it’s extremely common, from what I’m told.

So I am trying to relax a little and not go CRAZY with worry. But thinking that I lost Bug today was probably one of the worst feelings I ever experienced and made me appreciate being pregnant (morning sickness and all) and how amazingly blessed I am to be able to have children at all – to have Carli, and another one on the way.

I am truly blessed!