Oh Thanksgiving- I am So Thankful.. #Thanks

Florida Thanksgiving

I have a lot to be thankful for this year – as much as I have complained about this or that. What better day (other than every day) to show appreciation for the little things in your life?

My Husband

I was very fortunate to marry my best friend, someone who I met at the early age of 15 and had this undying crush on that went without being acted upon for eight years before we finally went on our first date. Since then we have been inseparable. How many people can say they married their high school crush? Or married someone who treats them with the utmost respect that any woman would be grateful to have. Plus, he does everything he can to make and keep me happy.

For one, he works a very demanding job that is very high-stress on his end, but he does it so I can stay home and take care of our daughter. It had always been a dream of mine to be a stay at home mother (at least in the crucial young part of my child’s life) and he helps make that happen. He truly is the best husband I could ever ask for.

My Daughter, Carli.

Carli was an easy baby. She hardly fussed and she loves people. Besides being absolutely adorable with a head full of curls, she has a contagious smile that has strangers grinning ear to ear when she looks at them.

I have never met a little being who has such confidence to befriend any person she comes across – with no fear (or notice) of rejection. She’ll wave to everyone who passes by and whether they wave back or not, she smiles as if she’s happy just to be here.

I love watching he grow up and take notice of things. Today while at Toys R Us (getting Christmas ideas) we turn the corner and her eyes go wide, she points to the shelf full of Elmo Live dolls and goes, “What is that?!” We get closer and her mouth turns into a circle shape and then she squeals with absolute delight. “Bobo!” She says (Which is 17month old speak for “Elmo”) She laughs and claps her hand. The world is right with her.

I love when she squints her eyes and puckers her lips and makes a kissing noise. I love the noise as it’s her signal that she wants kisses (whether she puckers or not) – but NO ONE, and I repeat NO ONE has ever turned down that puckered face. She gets a kiss from everyone, Doctor’s, Nurses, the Manager at Starbucks. She’s got it.

Bug

So unexpected and only a little less than 5 weeks of “existence”. No arms or legs or heartbeat, but s/he’s becoming real to me and I love him/her already. It’s hard to believe I have one child, let alone am blessed to be pregnant with another one so quickly. With my first pregnancy – it was rough. I was working for the woman from Hell, and anxious with seeing the next milestone in pregnancy… wanting it to go by so quickly so I could see this being I created. Now, knowing that this COULD be my last pregnancy – I am just going to sit back and enjoy it. It’s a beautiful thing to experience. (As much as I will complain in the future)

My Family

My family is a constant; a rock. Everyone should feel as if they can depend on their family to always be there for them and to look out for them even when things get rough or maybe they don’t make the best decisions. Heck to be honest – I am a big spoiled. I had everything I wanted and needed growing up, and now they are spoiling their Grandaughter (and soon to be Bug). Every time I go over to my parent’s house there is something new there for Carli – a play kitchen, a doll house, table and chairs – you name it. Carli has it (even if she doesn’t at her own house!) Both of my parents work very hard to provide my brother, Carli, and I with everything we need to live a happy, comfortable, existence.

And even though I sometimes feel like the failure in the family (and I do!) My Dad works with Space Shuttles and has for as long as I’ve had memories. My Mother runs her own successful business where she wins countless awards, and my brother is starting his Master’s in the Pharmacology program. Then there is just me – a failed kindergarten teacher. Even though I probably have all heads nodding in agreement, they’ve never made me feel that way. What really more can you ask for?

Friends

I’ve made some great friends this year, and I have lost a very special one. I met Blair because of the love of Cloth Diapers and Photography and it quickly grew into a deep friendship that I am so grateful to have someone with whom I can truly be myself. (I can be obsessive and whiny and say stupid things and she just laughs – or agrees with me). On top of that, she’s moving near me in the next few months and will be here when Bug is born. I am very excited about that!

I also lost one of my very best friends this year, although not by death or anything tragic.. just because? I guess people grow apart. It ended pretty viciously (as anyone who knew us could only imagine and probably wouldn’t doubt).  I met T in high school and we were – I don’t know. Dangerous together. We fought all the time because our friendship contained so much dependence and jealousy. But as much as we fought, we were always making up and sharing dreams.

We finally rekindled our friendship after a few years apart and some maturing had taken place (after high school) and remained very close stable friends for many years thereafter. It wasn’t the same, then – you know? Something about our friendship had turned the way I had always wanted it to be (or I had thought so). Forrest and I would go and visit her and her husband in South Carolina a few times and stay with them. I loved it. I just loved seeing her and spending time with her. She was like a sister to me. But – I guess things change.

After I told her I was pregnant with Carli – she all but completely disappeared from my life. Excuses started happening and my yearly trip up to visit her was canceled by her at the last minute due to some silly excuse (I know an excuse when I hear one). She started not returning my phone calls and making no attempt to be apart of my pregnancy and then with the birth of Carli, Carli’s life. (And she was Forrest and my pick for Godmother – something that would never actually happen).

The final straw for me was when she mentioned coming down in June and so I sent her an invitation for Carli’s 1st birthday party (regrets only). Not only did she not give her regrets, but did not show up. She did not email or text to wish Carli a happy birthday. She simply, as I saw it, did not care. And it hurt. It truly hurt, to have your best friend, your sister-in-spirit, be so absent and cold during this amazing time in my life. When I tried messaging her a few times about how hurt I was by her absence, the excuses came and then she just flat out thought I was being “too much”.

The end happened when she messaged me a few months ago to tell me she was finally pregnant (something she has been wanting for years, to start a family). Bitter and angry I replied something along the lines of “Congratulations. Maybe now that you’re a mother you’ll realize how important the little things are – like first birthdays.” Appropriate? No, hardly. But I had/have so much anger over the whole situation still. She then wrote some nasty message on my facebook, of which she deleted before I could see the whole thing but I got enough from it to know what she was truly thinking. I then told some mean things including having a lonely baby shower and yadda yadda. You know, it’s always the people you love the most that you know the words that will hurt the most. I was quickly deleted from her Facebook – and to spite me, she deleted her contact with her husband on my facebook and deleted her connections with Forrest. Forrest wasn’t even involved, but it hurt him.

Did I mean everything I said? Yes and no. I meant it- but not out of hatred, but pure hurt. I can’t even express the hurt I feel over having her so absent during such a milestone in my life. It was a slap in the face that I just.. I can’t imagine ever being fixed as much I keep telling myself (sometimes) that eventually, it will. But – it probably won’t. After 11 years, this is it.  Truth be told though, we had an interesting 11 years in each others lives. We had a lot of great memories and laughs and even though it ended this year, I am thankful that it existed at all. T taught me a lot and as I am still grieving the loss of such a loved friend and how much I miss her on a daily basis – things happen the way they are supposed to. As much as I truly despise her actions, I will always love who I thought she was. (If that even makes sense)She may have not been able to handle me (I really am not that hard to handle) in my entirety but I have met and have friendships with many friends this year who have proved that they can.  I am also very thankful that even though this friendship ended, some other friendships began.

(And I am thankful to anyone who has even bothered to read the whole story of T & I because it still hurts and just something I needed to vent about because I’ve been holding that in for so long.)

I have friends that go above and beyond to show me they care and that means the whole world to me! I have an amazing husband, daughter, Bug Baby to be, and family! It’s been a great year, after all.

What are YOU Thankful For?