Since August I have had recurring dreams involving an old high school friend of mine (we’ll call her ‘T’)- a friendship that meant a considerable amount to me but has gone off the deep end and we are no longer on speaking terms. Since August I’ve had dreams (usually weekly) that revolve around my attempting to communicate with her, talk to her – or even dreams in which we are just laughing like old times.

Never have I been so haunted by a single person in my dreams. I just can’t seem to make sense of it, or make sense of why they keep happening and how I can get them to stop. I thought that by my reaching out to her (through emails, Facebook messages, texts, and even sending her a gift for her baby in the mail) that it would get her to speak to me. But it hasn’t. All attempts (probably at least 6) have gone unanswered.

I thought by apologizing for the spiteful things I spewed at her, over the hurt that she never showed up to Carli’s 1st birthday party (or acknowledged it at ALL — being the one who was supposed to be her Godmother) would help release some of the pent up emotions — maybe ridding myself of these dreams for good. But I was wrong.

They just keep happening and it’s emotionally exhausting.

If Iara (a very dear friend of mine) was nearby – I would be sitting in front of her asking for her to help me analyze my dream, hoping there was some clue within my subconscious I needed to know to finally move on and away from this situation that has haunted me for (more than just a few months, but about 2 years).

Because she’s not – I am going to have to do this myself. I am telling my dream in detail, trying to remember each detail I can. Any important symbols, I will make bold.

I was sitting within a few feet away from T, who was speaking to a guy at a table. I knew she knew I was there, but she was choosing to ignore me. Suddenly a young woman I knew came up to me and handed me an old notebook. In it were letters T and I had written back and forth to each other in high school. After I received the notebook, I held it up – getting T’s attention. She took one look at me, rolled her eyes and went back to talking to this man in front of her.

I felt defeated and hurt.

As I am sitting there, reading through the letters she comes up to me and sits down next to me. I feel my chest start to heave and tears want to come through but I won’t let them.

“I am TRYING.” I tell her. With those few words I know she knew that I was trying all I could to get her to talk to me. She no longer seemed angry and placed her hand upon my arm.

“I know.” she said.

Then suddenly I started having mouth/teeth issues. I looked in a mirror and saw that I had a bunch of finger nails(from biting my nails) all in my teeth. I tried to spit them out but there were so many. It was overwhelming. I started spitting and then spewed blood, but told the person next to me that it wasn’t vomit – just the blood from my teeth.

I was trying to pick things out of my teeth but they began rotting away and falling out as well. It suddenly became hard to talk. I looked in my throat and saw that I had hangers lodged in my throat. I took some scissors and cut pieces free – but it was still a struggle.

One phrase comes to mind, “What the hell?!” I am not surprised I almost cried in this dream, as I tend to cry in almost every single dream that T is in – usually tears of happiness that she’s finally speaking to me. Because some of these dream symbols seem a little odd, I wanted to find out what they symbolize and wonder if they’re even remotely related to the situation or make sense in the realm of things.

To help figure out the symbolism of these dreams, I am using online dream dictionary – Dream Moods.

1. Table - To see a table in your dream, represents social unity and the potential for a meeting or gathering. It refers to your social and family connections.  If the table is broken, wobbly or not functional, then it suggests some dissension in a group or sense of insecurity. Perhaps there is something you cannot hold inside any longer and need to bring it out in the open. (See on Dream Moods)
2. Notebook - To see a notebook in your dream, represents things that you need to keep track of and stay on top of. It may indicate emotions and issues that you have overlooked in your waking hours. Consider the contents of the notebook. (See on Dream Moods)
3. Letters/Notes – To read or write a note in your dream, suggests that there is an important message that you need to convey. There is something that you need to let others know. (See on Dream Moods)
4. Tears (holding back) - To dream that you are in tears, signifies that a healing of some sort is taking place in your life. The tears symbolize compassion, emotional healing and spiritual cleansing. Alternatively, tears may indicate pain. (See on Dream Moods).
5. Hand - Represents your connection with that person. Your dream may also reflect anxieties about losing touch with him/her or that you are drifting apart. (See on Dream Moods).
6. Arm (to dream of someone touching) – To see your arms as the emphasis in your dream, indicate your nurturance side and your ability to reach out and care for people. Alternatively, it may represent the struggles and challenges in your life. Consider the pun “arm yourself” which implies that you need to protect yourself, be more aggressive and take a firmer stance on things or the pun “up in arms”, representing anger and your readiness to argue. (See on Dream Moods).
7. Fingernails –  To dream that you are chewing your nails, indicates that a problem is too tough to handle. You are not sure how to go about resolving a situation in your waking life. (See on Dream Moods).
8. Teeth – You may have uttered some false or foul words and those words are coming back to haunt you. (See on Dream Moods).
9. Throat - To see your throat in your dream, symbolizes the ability to express yourself and communicate your thoughts/ideas. To dream that you have a sore throat or have throat problems, suggests that you are having problems saying what you really think. You are having difficulties saying how you feel and conveying your thoughts. You may feel threatened when you express yourself. Alternatively, your dream may be telling you that you need to swallow your pride. (See on Dream Mood).
10. Hangers – To see a hanger in your dream, suggests that you are getting the hang of some situation or some task.  Or it may mean that you are just hanging in there. You need more motivation and encouragement. (See on Dream Mood).
11. Blood – To see blood in your dream, represents life, love, and passion as well as disappointments.To dream that you are bleeding or losing blood, signifies that you are suffering from exhaustion or that you are feeling emotionally drained. It may also denote bitter confrontations between you and your friends.  Your past actions has come back to haunt you. (See on Dream Moods)
12. Scissors (to use to cut something free) – To dream that you are using scissors, denotes decisiveness and control in your waking life. Alternatively, it may suggests that you need to get rid of something in your life. It also represents your ability to cut things or people out of your life. Perhaps you are being snippy about some situation. (See on Dream Moods)

Reading all the symbols, I realize that they all pretty much are right on with the situation. I have said things that I regret and the words are haunting me. I am trying to communicate but am left hanging. The situation needs to be brought to the table and discussed – but how do you do that with someone who refuses to talk to you?

The scissors though – not quite sure entirely how to take that symbol. If the hangers mean I am  just hanging there and I use scissors to cut them free .. does that mean I just need to cut all ties from her? To cut my losses (and hers) and move on? She’s left me hanging after all the times I have tried to communicate. Should I just cut myself free?

Like I said earlier in my dream, “I am TRYING!” but it’s hard letting go of a 12 year friendship.